My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
