someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
