I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
