He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
