im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
