dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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