her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
