I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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