My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We have so much sex to catch up on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
