apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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