Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this just has baby written all over it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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