so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
