Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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