if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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