No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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