her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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