how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
