i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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