I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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