The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize