All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
