saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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