Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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