so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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