Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
