We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
