thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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