wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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