Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
