I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
thus making me awesome and them whores
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
