Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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