hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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