No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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