well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
