My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
