You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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