When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
