that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
