Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
