Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
