so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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