Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
