Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
