A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So much puke
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful