he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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