I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
