His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man