I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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