True but thats because hes a fetus.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
