I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
