dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My pussy is not your playground.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
