Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think my moral compass just broke
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
