Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
