Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He called his prostate his "boner button".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
