I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
