I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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