ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
