What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
