He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
