my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
