So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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