Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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